New Year

It was a goal last year to start the posts back up again and I regret not doing so. I miss out on so many opportunities to share my family's life. I wanted a new header with a creative font etc, but. Need to just do this. I often share things on Facebook because I have no where else to share- no journal, nothing.

Rowan will be six in two weeks. SIX!! Sigh. She's lost her baby ness and is a little girl. And I cry bc I miss her. I don't know if I took enough pics or enough video and I KNOW I didn't spend enough time with her and I just don't want to forget...(tears are pouring down my cheeks). She is such an amazing gift from God. He knew I needed a daughter. I will always love the moments we are in, but you never get the little time back again and it is just so precious.

Life in so many ways passes me by. I am working hard at getting myself to a place where it doesn't. I realize I am not good at participating- I enjoy delegating and planning and overseeing but I am not good for playing along side or with...and therefore I do miss out. I'm organizing and cleaning and decorating and giving my children opportunities and experiences, but not necessarily along side. They do a lot together-and are very independent creatures- but it's what we created.  Just not sure it makes for a life with no regrets.

I am hoping for a year of excellence. I did start off with the word "gentle" as my theme word- ill have to do another post on that... By excellence I mean organized - in addition to controlled chaos. I changed our homeschooling pattern up a bit this year- it is going well but I can't say it is more enjoyable- again I feel that lack of opportunity to enjoy bc I'm always trying to just get to the next thing.  I will have to recap the last year in another post as well- that will help clear my head for future posts.

Another point of chagrin is digital media. I SO LOVE hard copy that when I do not hold actual video tapes or pics in my hand I feel like I have nothing. I honestly have no idea what I do and don't have of  Ro and I hate it bc I KNOW I have stuff of the boys bc I  have tangible evidence. We got a new video recorder 2 years ago and have barely used it the past year bc of our iPhones and just lack of capitalizing on opportunities. Life. I hate regrets. Here's to writing a new post every night and thinking and sorting through goals and making 2013 a year of possibilities and wonder...(and printing out pictures and downloading video to an external hard drive)